DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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