highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
