if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
