Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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