So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
