i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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