Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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