man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Randomize
