She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
