no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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