i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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