I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize