So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
