just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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