I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
