I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
