if you like me you must not know who I am
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
