thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
