I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
