In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
