I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
