We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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