After last night, I could never be a politician.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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