Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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