this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
