god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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