Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
