you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
