i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
