I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
