well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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