Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
