Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
