How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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