I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
