I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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