So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
