Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
