I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
