New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
