hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
