I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
