I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I intend to get homeless drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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