I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She announced her abortion via fbk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
