do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
