this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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