there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
