While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
