So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
