Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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