My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
