take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
