i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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