You don't have asthma, your pregnant
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
