The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
