Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
