girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
